Dressing the Part

Today, I ran out of “good” jeans. You know – the type without holes in them. The type you wear to work because you’re a technician and can get away with it. 

What did I wear?

Well, I damn well couldn’t wear one of my (two) existing skirts. Crawling around under desks and lifting server equipment would be extremely comical in the unstructured, revealing, fabric that most other women wear.

So, I went with a par of pinstripe slacks and a black top. Simple, different, and definitely a step up from my normal jeans and a t-shirt. I couldn’t have predicted the aftermath.

Everyone I came across held a door open for me – guy and girl alike. One poor soul held open a door that I didn’t even need. People let me on the bus ahead of them. My German professor acknowledged my existence. 

It’s not even that I looked attractive – I just looked noticeable. I wasn’t the short nondescript hunk of human flesh that they usually cut in front of. For the first time in awhile – I feel confident.

Hell, I should dress nice more often. 

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Restless

This week I’m feeling restless.

So far there’s been little to do in the way of school work. Everything I have to do is waiting on some sort of resource from a teacher. At work it’s the same. I’m waiting on other people. I can’t relax. There’s too much to do.

Hurry up and wait.

Today is the Day it all Changes

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This is how I imagine living life. Surrounded by books, and having the intellect and calmness of Sherlock Holmes proportions. The fact of the matter is, I am far too immature and wrapped up in my own thoughts to ever be that observant. I am not nearly as confident.

The fact of the matter, for anyone listening, is that we all secretly know who it is that we want to be. Most of us bury that realization behind walls of society driven goals. We look in the mirror and feel a stab in the back of our hearts. Small, almost unnoticed.

Today I realize that at the age of 20, I am an adult. There are no more “when I grow up…” musings. It is time. Time to live to my own expectations. Not society’s, not my friends’, nor my family’s. Beginning today I will open that part of my mind that has locked away the person I want to be.

Courage.